Brokenness and Families

I think every person thinks their family's a little crazy. Most people wonder why their family has so many problems or has so much drama or just simply is. I've never felt this special feeling like my family has ever had it all together. Maybe when I was younger--before I was 10--I actually thought my family was normal. We seemed happy. Everyone all together at Christmas, Easter, Thanksgiving, and many many birthdays. And from the perspective of a child, everything seemed picture perfect.

But then there was so much brokenness that occurred on my dad's side of the family and continues on today. I haven't been with my entire family in one room since my cousin's wedding a few years ago (and that was among hundreds, if not a thousand, other people). No more Christmas or Thanksgiving together because everyone seems to have an issue with everyone else

And then there's my mom side. Where do I even begin? Brothers who won't talk to my grandfather, an aunt who resents having to take care of my grandparents alone, and us... the ones who seem white... obviously culturally not Chinese and can't even speak Cantonese. My brother and I... the ones who've never communicated with my grandfather beyond hand gestures and simple words like "thank you" and "hello". And I've never once been with all of my family on my mom's side... not even for my grandmother's funeral four years ago tomorrow.

My grandfather (Hong) had a stroke a few weeks ago and no longer has feeling on his right side. Physical pain. This always seemed to be the way that a family would come together and finally start to appreciate one another and appreciate our relationships that we have. This was the hope that I had at least. But even something like this became divisive and caused resentment to be dominant in my aunt's heart, and confusion dominant in mine. I haven't visited him yet, though I will tomorrow, because I cannot speak to him. I cannot communicate with him and I simply don't know what to do. I never got to sit with him and hear stories about his life. In fact, I know very little about his life due to my mom's lack of interest in asking. I will never know my maternal grandfather, and that breaks my heart.

All of this just reminds me of how broken we are as human beings. Misunderstandings, selfishness, pride, and frustration... they all keep us from being able to love each other in the fullest sense. Our relationships are so broken. We are broken. And what reminds me time and time again that I have hope that my brokenness one day will be restored is the hope of Jesus Christ. The hope that I have that I will be in Heaven one day, in perfect harmony and communion with the Father. With endless joy and without burdens. Perfect love.